I woke up this morning to the realization, "Holy sh*t. This time next month, I will have a baby." For a little while there, we were concerned that it would be any day now (see last post), but at Monday's doctor's appointment, AH and I were told that our little Fellow Traveler does not seem to be in any sort of rush to travel anywhere any time soon (her feet are too comfortable being all up in my rib cage's business, I suppose).
So while it's unlikely that she is going to drop at any moment, it's still time to face the fact that my pregnancy (and any chance of a good night's sleep for quite some time) is rapidly approaching its end-time (aka BABYPOCAPLYPSE). And so while I am still in a fully preggers state, it behooves me to reflect on the ups and downs of a pregnancy experienced in the City of Light. I must say, overall, that baby-cooking on this side of the pond has proved to be more of a bonus than a drawback, although only time (and subsequent babies, cooked back on U.S. soil- domestic products, if you will) will tell.
1. Having to walk everywhere.
Upside: I fully credit my total reliance on public transportation and lack of car for my surprisingly low weight gain (surprising for me, when normally I just need to look at a milkshake to gain 5 pounds. Not that that keeps me from drinking milkshakes, mind you). Extra credit goes to the suburban bus system which, as opposed to the city metros, is about as reliable as a meth-head babysitter. Twice (so far) have I been dropped off in the middle of nowhere because there was a change to the normal bus route noted only by a small paper sign. Good thing I no longer believe in uncomfortable shoes.
Downside: I now have the back of an exploited former child gymnast. I have to wear a support belt ("the kind that big, burly men wear when they're moving furniture," says my mom) to prevent shooting pains in my right leg and lower back every time I take a step. Bah.
2. Food
Upside: If I had my way, I would weigh about 250 pounds right now. Seriously, I have spent my second and third trimester just ITCHING to stuff my face full of anything and everything that makes Americans fat. Duncan Heines cake with canned frosting. Church lady casseroles. Dirty Frank's (always. This is a need that cannot be satisfied). Tortilla chips covered in refried beans, cheese, and jalapenos. For the last six months, I would have given one of my pinky toes for the chance to eat something deep-fried and wrapped in bacon. But apart from my two weeks in the States back in May, France and its skepticism of the wonders of the deep fryer have kept my eating habits just barely on the right side of sane. And I can't complain about the pastries.
Downside: I'M PREGNANT. GIVE ME BACON, DAMMIT.
3. Free Healthcare
Upside: AH and I haven't paid a dime since my 5th month of pregnancy. Our hospital is pretty awesome, too, so it's not like we can sigh and say, "well, you get what you pay for." I'm not worried that having this child is going to cripple us financially for the foreseeable future. The government actually put a sizable chunk of change into our bank account, just as a "hey, a baby that could grow into an adult worker that will pay taxes towards supporting our aging population! Continue doing that, please!" sort of gift.
Downside: When we get to one, I'll let you know.
4. Doing everything in a language I don't speak very well
Upside: Um, it makes me a stronger person? I at least understand "poussez"?
Downside: For those of you ladies who have already been through all the joys of pooping a squirming watermelon-sized object out of your lady hole, you know that ramping up to labor can be scary and inspire all sorts of fear and doubt. Now imagine that, with the exception of your English-speaking doctor and midwife, every medical person that you encounter speaks with all the clarity of the Swedish Chef. So, in essence: not having a flipping clue about what to expect piled on top of all of the normal anxieties about labor.
That's all that I can think of for the moment. But now I need to go and shovel some chocolate ice cream into my pie hole before AH comes home, hopefully to the sight of me cooking baked couscous with spinach ("look! Look how much I love our baby!"). Depending on FT's willingness to vacate my premises, the next blog post may come from me, or it may be AH writing a guest entry with what I'm sure will be an epic birth story (I promise, no gory details, and DEFINITELY no video). Now think good thoughts for the three of us, and go eat something wrapped in bacon for me.
1. Having to walk everywhere.
Upside: I fully credit my total reliance on public transportation and lack of car for my surprisingly low weight gain (surprising for me, when normally I just need to look at a milkshake to gain 5 pounds. Not that that keeps me from drinking milkshakes, mind you). Extra credit goes to the suburban bus system which, as opposed to the city metros, is about as reliable as a meth-head babysitter. Twice (so far) have I been dropped off in the middle of nowhere because there was a change to the normal bus route noted only by a small paper sign. Good thing I no longer believe in uncomfortable shoes.
Downside: I now have the back of an exploited former child gymnast. I have to wear a support belt ("the kind that big, burly men wear when they're moving furniture," says my mom) to prevent shooting pains in my right leg and lower back every time I take a step. Bah.
2. Food
Upside: If I had my way, I would weigh about 250 pounds right now. Seriously, I have spent my second and third trimester just ITCHING to stuff my face full of anything and everything that makes Americans fat. Duncan Heines cake with canned frosting. Church lady casseroles. Dirty Frank's (always. This is a need that cannot be satisfied). Tortilla chips covered in refried beans, cheese, and jalapenos. For the last six months, I would have given one of my pinky toes for the chance to eat something deep-fried and wrapped in bacon. But apart from my two weeks in the States back in May, France and its skepticism of the wonders of the deep fryer have kept my eating habits just barely on the right side of sane. And I can't complain about the pastries.
Downside: I'M PREGNANT. GIVE ME BACON, DAMMIT.
3. Free Healthcare
Upside: AH and I haven't paid a dime since my 5th month of pregnancy. Our hospital is pretty awesome, too, so it's not like we can sigh and say, "well, you get what you pay for." I'm not worried that having this child is going to cripple us financially for the foreseeable future. The government actually put a sizable chunk of change into our bank account, just as a "hey, a baby that could grow into an adult worker that will pay taxes towards supporting our aging population! Continue doing that, please!" sort of gift.
Downside: When we get to one, I'll let you know.
4. Doing everything in a language I don't speak very well
Upside: Um, it makes me a stronger person? I at least understand "poussez"?
Downside: For those of you ladies who have already been through all the joys of pooping a squirming watermelon-sized object out of your lady hole, you know that ramping up to labor can be scary and inspire all sorts of fear and doubt. Now imagine that, with the exception of your English-speaking doctor and midwife, every medical person that you encounter speaks with all the clarity of the Swedish Chef. So, in essence: not having a flipping clue about what to expect piled on top of all of the normal anxieties about labor.
That's all that I can think of for the moment. But now I need to go and shovel some chocolate ice cream into my pie hole before AH comes home, hopefully to the sight of me cooking baked couscous with spinach ("look! Look how much I love our baby!"). Depending on FT's willingness to vacate my premises, the next blog post may come from me, or it may be AH writing a guest entry with what I'm sure will be an epic birth story (I promise, no gory details, and DEFINITELY no video). Now think good thoughts for the three of us, and go eat something wrapped in bacon for me.
