Art According to Allison, Part the Second

Now in technicolor!

So here it is.  The Great Glass Pimple itself.  Now, let's look at what I found inside today, shall we?

Starting with Salle 32, Gainsborough:

Let's start with this offering by John Martin entitled "Le Pandemonium," shall we?  It's actually one of a series depicting scenes from Paradise Lost.  This is the palace of the demons.  But to be honest, when I first saw it, everything- from the castle to the fire to the snakes on the frame (the sequel to "Snakes On a Plane"), gave the impression of Voldemort preparing for the climactic Battle of Hogwarts.  Now that's a literary mash-up I'd like to see...

Next we have Henri Fusseli's "Lady MacBeth somnabule."  The picture does not give justice to the level of Crazy Eyes happening in this picture; the greenish tint to her skin is also harder to see now than it was in person.  But the overall effect of the painting raises the serious question: Why no Zombie MacBeth?  We've had Zombie Pride and Prejudice, surely MacBeth could benefit from the same treatment. Although I guess it might make all the killing a little anti-climactic, since everyone would already be undead.  Still, there's got to be a way.  Someone get on that.

From the Salle de Peintures espagnole et italienne:

Bartolome Esteban Murillo, "Portrait de Inigo Melchor Fernandez de Velasco."  This dude looks like John Galliano, except Spanish, and not a racist turd.

Francisco Goya, "Nature morte a la tete de mouton."  OK, full disclosure, I kind of went through a Goya phase as a teenager after I was assigned to do a project on him for Spanish class.  He started off doing royal family portraits, but after a series of personal tragedies his paintings began to get increasingly darker.  Rotting animal carcass isn't even the tip of his creepy iceburg: google "Saturn Devouring His Son," but only if you never plan on sleeping again.

Juan Carreno de Miranda, "La Messe de l'ordre de Trinitaires," 1666.  "Blessed are the po...no, blingiest.  Yes. And also, it is blasphemy to cover Jesus' nipples.  Even if every other part of him is covered, the holy nipples shall be visible and venerated, like twin, glowing orbs of salvation.  Yes.  We are full of good ideas.  It's a good thing we have these fancy capes so people know how full of good ideas we are."

Giuseppe Maria Crespi, "L'Immaculate Conception avec les saints Ansalme et Martin," 1738.  Ah, the time-honored tradition of burning heretics...

"Ladies and Gentleman, we apologize for your inconvenience, but tonight the role of King David will be played by little Sally Jones, who, incidentally, has not had time to change out of her Orphan Annie costume.  Thank you, and enjoy the performance."

The crowd around the Mona Lisa.

This is the hallway of Italian Renaissance Painting; what you can't see are all the rooms leading off it, with many, many more paintings.  Good thing I've got a while...