So now that I've already been living in France for nine months (my baguette baby is due any day now!), the French government has decided that now would be the appropriate time to teach me about life in France. Oddly enough, telling them about this bloggy blog did not convince them that I had been seamlessly integrated. So last Saturday, at 8:30 AM (I work in the afternoons and study at home, so my sleeping habits are still much as they were in college, so yes, that is painfully early for me) I had the JOY and PLEASURE to trek all the way up to the 18th (which is an hour from where I live) to attend a Formation Civique.
After trekking to the address listed on my convocation letter, I arrived at the smelly little hole in the wall that was the government office I was to spend the next nine hours of my life in. And, as all official things in France do, my day began with waiting in a line, at the end of which I was shuffled into a tiny classroom to await the start of class with my fellow recent (or semi-recent) immigrants.
Now, this being a product of French bureaucracy, I had no idea what I was getting myself into ahead of time. Therefore, in between ranting to AH about how much I did not want to give up an entire Saturday to this enterprise, we spent time musing about what, exactly, would be taught at this class. Would I learn the appropriate way to carry a baguette? Would there be scarf-tying lessons? And, most importantly, would I be given lessons in the patented French Disapproving Glare?
Alas, not this time (I still have a "Vie en France" class in December, so maybe that's when they cover disapproving facial expressions). The morning portion of the class was taken up with a presentation on the history of the French Republic. During this time, I realized that it's a shame that nobody ever kicked my butt for raising my hand every freakin' time I know the correct answer. I think it's a carry over from my childhood in school when I may not have been the first picked for kickball teams, but gosh darn, at least the teacher would be impressed that I could not only tell her the characters of Romeo and Juliet, but give a full, acted out synopsis, complete with sword fighting on the table! So yes, every time the instructor asked a question, I raised my hand and parroted a response straight from my travel guides, museum outings, or History of Christianity textbook. My nerdiness was in such full, obnoxious force that I had to bite my tongue when the instructor conflated the Hundred Years War of the 14th and 15th centuries with the French Wars of Religion of the 16th century. But bite I did, because, believe it or not, not even I would be so obnoxious and foolish as to argue about French history with the French government employee.
Empire, Republic, blah blah blah, systems of government, blah blah blah, they lost me again until laicity, or secularism, one of the principles of the Republic. Just for fun, the instructor asked us all what we thought of the niqab ban. You could tell we were in a room of non-French natives, because nobody took the bait (the French love to debate- civilly- matters of politics that Americans wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole in polite conversation. Just don't ask what they do for a living- that would be getting personal). Only the woman next to me, my Formation Friend (because when you sit through nine hours of a mandated government class, and also have over two cumulative hours of break, you make friends) ventured forth a tentative opinion.
Ah, France and secularism. Opinions: I haz them. This might be a whole other post for a more thoughtful day, so I think I'll wrap this up...
All in all, not worth my preemptive kvetching, especially when you factor in the two 30 minute espresso/cigarette breaks, and a full hour and a half for lunch at an off-site brasserie where there was bread (of course), and a lovely vegetable tangine that didn't look like it had been sitting in a plastic box 10 minutes before being on my plate. So please, if you want to know what I took away from this class, don't ask me about the court systems (I remember nothing), or French history before the Revolution (unless you really like hearing about popes). But ask me what I learned about France, and I will tell you what you may already know: coffee breaks and crusty bread make this world go round.
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