Art According to Allison: Someone Get Jesus Some Pants

So, I get it.  Israel's a pretty toasty place; it makes sense that Jesus wouldn't be swaddled in velvet and fur.  But why must Jesus always be the lone scantily clad figure in a sea of corsets and pumpkin pants?  

 I might not have read the Bible as carefully as you would expect from a seminarian, but I still think I would remember a reference to Jesus' refusing to ever tell a parable or heal lepers in anything more  than a loin cloth. 

Nope, sorry.  Capes are fantastic, but they, like leggings, are not a substitute for pants.  Seriously, the strategic draping over his lap is more soft-core porn than religiously devotional.  And there definitely better be no wayward breezes in heaven.

OK, fine, even Andrew Lloyd Weber decided that the crucifixion has more emotional impact when Jesus is wearing a diaper.  But I think this artist might have been overly concerned with perfecting the super-stripey pants down there on the left, and thus left Jesus pantless out of negligence.

Old Navy has nice pants.

 

 Kohl's does, too.

 

Seriously, you jerks.  Jesus has been through a lot for us.  SOMEONE PLEASE GET HIM SOME PANTS.