The Hat Strikes Again!

This weekend AH and I were delighted to play host to my buddy Matt, owner of this fine specimen,

a friend of mine from high school in Belgium on a business trip.  And to our joy and delight, he brought the hat (an Eiffel Tower picture is so much classier with this in the foreground), also known as the Tackiest Souvenir in Paris. Unbeknownst to us, in addition to being tacky in all three dimensions, this hat also acts as a siren call, a sort of Hat Signal (teehee) if you will, to others of its ilk.  Behold:

"This purse is brought to you by the Paris Chapter of Planned Parenthood (since it hasn't been de-funded), reminding you to wrap any baguettes before they go into your croissant.  Otherwise, you could end up with the worst kind of souvenir of all: the kind that burns."

And...

"FRANCOIS GERARD HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!  After his attempt to use three story kittens to wreak havoc on the Champs de Mars went awry when the kittens were distracted by some laundry lint, Gerard went back to the drawing board.  Hoping to go in a more fearsome direction this time, Gerard decided to unleash towering killer dinosaurs; the mad scientist even outfitted his creation with a camera to record the carnage for his perverse pleasure.  But alas, Gerard was thwarted once again:  after the "Land Before Time" films, dinosaurs have lost all power to frighten, especially when their eyes are half the size of their face.  Gerard was last seen shaking his fist and retreating into his underground lair, mumbling something incoherent about giant wombats."