Some Gentle Suggestions

So my recent culture shock has not been due only to the fact that I'm in a new country but that I, little Midwestern corn girl that I am, am now in a big city.  And perhaps the biggest adjustment of all is my total reliance on public transportation to get around.  Now don't get me wrong:  I LOOOOVE not having a car.  It is bliss not to have to worry about traffic, gas prices or fire hydrants that just jump out of nowhere (I swear, and it's my word against the fire hydrant's).  But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally want to give my fellow metro (and occasionally tramway) riders a few, ahem, gentle corrections now and then.  At the top of my list:

.First, and foremost, you cannot continue to claim being a decent human being if you maintain your seat in the presence of someone without who is obviously pregnant, disabled, elderly, carrying heavy bags or besieged by small children.  Of course this does not apply to every sitter in every situation- some people have just been on their feet all day, some may have a disability or illness that isn't readily available to the eye.  But when a pregnant lady is making direct eye contact with you, Mr. Expensive Headphone Guy, you can no longer pretend that you don't see her, and you can't pretend that her need isn't greater than yours.  And thus you will no have excuse when the day of reckoning comes and I smack you about the face and head with said headphones.

.Psst.  Hey.  English isn't a secret language that only you and your twin understand; filter yourself accordingly.

.On a crowded metro, the face of the person standing next to you is not a suitable place to rest your newspaper/magazine/Dan Brown novel; stow it in your bag and go to your mental happy place like the rest of us (I suggest Ryan Reynolds if you need a bit of inspiration).

.If a woman is sitting/standing/existing in a public space by herself, that does not necessarily mean that she wants to talk to you.  I'm not saying that you can't strike up a conversation; by all means, give it a try, she might be looking for a little subterranean flirtation.  But if she gives monosyllabic answers and is giving you some serious bitchface, let it go, friend.  And if you happen to belong that particularly heinous breed of crunchy-headed miscreants that like to do this to women in packs more because you enjoy the power trip of making her uncomfortable than out of any desire to establish a connection, then please go jump off a cliff.  Or, you know, try to think of ladies as people and not as targets.

.If the music playing on your headphones is so loud that I can hear it across the aisle, please don't make it craptastic American hip-hop from 2007.  Either turn it down or put on some show tunes (although, in that case, while you would earn my respect and appreciation, I'm not sure how you'd fare with everyone else around you).

.Hey there, lost looking tourist.  Trust me, I feel you.  The metro can be confusing.  But what will not help you is staring vaguely up at the signage about you in the middle of a high traffic area like, say, the exit to an escalator or at the entrance to a platform where a train has just pulled up and there is a whole slew of people running like they're being chased by angry bulls to make it.  Just step out of the way and ask for help.  If you're lucky, you'll run into a nice, friendly, non-opinionated Midwestern girl like myself to help get you on your way.